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My friend is fat, and he has a friend who is also fat. And they both rode in my car at the same time and long story short, their combined weight of 500+ lbs damaged the suspension of my car such that I can't get it to go faster than 70 MPH downhill anymore. I try my best to take them on walks when we hang out, but I'm afraid he's going to notice that we no longer go to see movies/visit other friends/generally drive around. What do I tell him when he inevitably asks why? I don't want to hurt him.
Readers won’t stop sending the Bad Advisor their real-ass questions to answer, so the Bad Advisor is periodically going to try her hand at answering them.
Are your friends … dogs? Is that why you “take them on walks” when you “hang out” with them?
Believe the Bad Advisor, your friends have noticed that you’re treating them like secret weight loss projects. Being fat doesn’t mean you stop having the capacity to understand and interpret the actions of other people. You can’t play a trick on fat people that will make them thin. Stop doing this asinine shit, it’s gross.
As for your car? Welp, sorry. Cars go on the road and roads are dangerous and random places where cars get fucked up. You can’t prove your fat friends did jack shit to your car’s suspension.
The Bad Advisor’s best guess is that you’re the one who’s going to “notice” that you no longer go to “see movies/visit other friends/generally drive around” with your fat friends because your fat friends don’t like being treated like shitty science experiments.
Go get your mind right.
Several people have also pointed this out, but what kind of shitty car can’t handle 500+ lbs of passengers? That’s basically the same as three 175 lb adults and I doubt the submitter would have complained about that.
you will keep your mouth shut every time fat women are used as the punchline of a joke and are denied access to clothing brands and healthcare and are treated as disgusting but someone says “skinny shaming isn’t on the same level” and you’re up in arms because “stop making people feel bad for their bodies, thin women don’t DESERVE to be shamed!!!” (not like fat women, right??? everyone sees you, fuck you)
You ain’t got people legitimately denying you job and educational opportunities because of the fact that you are thin.
You will not have people taking your picture in disgust and have them use it as ‘motivation’ to not be like you.
You are represented in all forms of media in an overwhelmingly POSITIVE light.
Plain and simple. There is no place in this world where thin people are not put up as the ideal.
So can we stop acting as if someone being individually teased for being skinny is the same as the systematic way that fat people are told their bodies are always wrong because morality?
"for 40,000 years the primary threat to the majority of humans tended to be not getting enough to eat. In fact, this was true until the end of World War II in the United States and is still true in many Third World countries (and for some in the West as well) today. Since starvation was common, our bodies learned to hold onto weight at all costs. Any time our bodies experience lack, they learn to be more efficient in holding weight: i.e. the body that experiences lack increases the set point. Children who experience famine have very efficient bodies – bodies designed to hold onto fat. People who experience starvation repeatedly will have bodies that get better and better at holding on to fat.
So, how is the body supposed to tell between starvation and a diet? It can’t. All the body knows is that the signals (signals of hunger or craving) it is sending are being ignored. And the only way it knows to respond is as if there is a famine. It holds onto weight and creates a demand for high calorie foods. And so the diet fails for the majority of us.”
~Talking Fat, by Lonie McMichael, PhD (via loniemc)
But then, the truth was never really the point. Thin women don’t tell their fat friends ‘You’re not fat’ because they’re confused about the dictionary definition of the word, or their eyes are broken, or they were raised on planets where size 24 is the average for women. They don’t say it because it’s the truth. They say it because fat does not mean just fat in this culture. It can also mean any or all of the following:
Just plain icky
So when they say ‘You’re not fat,’ what they really mean is ‘You’re not a dozen nasty things I associate with the word fat.’ The size of your body is not what’s in question; a tape measure or a mirror could solve that dispute. What’s in question is your goodness, your lovability, your intelligence, your kindness, your attractiveness. And your friends, not surprisingly, are inclined to believe you get high marks in all those categories. Ergo, you couldn’t possibly be fat."
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